Unexpected Encounters

There is a peculiar moment, subtle yet profound, that occurs when a stranger regards you as old. It may happen in a fleeting glance, in an unguarded comment, or perhaps in the gentle tone reserved for elders. It arrives unbidden, sometimes catching you off guard. A stranger, someone with no context for your life has moved you into the ‘senior” category.

The stranger might ask, ‘may I help you with that.’ It is a gesture rooted in kindness, but it triggers an internal warning—suddenly, age is not private but a visible trait, one perceived by those who know nothing of your past, true vigor, or your quietly held ambitions.

It is tempting to dismiss this outsider’s perception as premature. You may not feel older than you did a decade ago. Yet, a visit to the family GP with a minor complaint can open with the doctor saying, ‘It’s nothing, but you are getting older.’ Who asked for that diagnosis?

Instead of an occasional Sir or Ma’am, they become common forms of address. Some strangers have the gall to call you dear instead of introducing themselves and taking the time to learn your name. Is generic address -- kindness, pity, or a social script performed without thought? 

Regardless, to be tagged as old by a stranger is to confront the shifting tides of identity. But here’s the rub, being pushed into the elder pigeonhole disregards your history, accomplishments, skills, interests, and most importantly your curiosity. Wrinkles and bad knees are not experience, or intelligence markers. 

It is important to guard one’s dignity and autonomy. Accepting help does not mean surrendering agency. You remain the author of your life, capable of decision and action. 

You can accept the nod with grace and move on or say no thank you, when a stranger categorizes you as old followed by an offer of help. That stranger is coming from a good place; our role is to be polite in accepting or denying the proffered assistance.

Our culture is in a perpetual dialogue about age: its burdens, its privileges, its place in the tapestry of life. Our age group is studied in universities, degrees are given, opinions are shared at conference tables, halls of government, healthcare, and social service agencies. All well intentioned. However, few include our voices in the conversations. Committed professionals trained in academic theory or narrow medical channels have many theories but we with real experience should be at the table.